Do you think that the relationship you have (whether present or absent) with your father affects your relationship with husband (or significant other)? Something to ponder right, whether you are 18 or 81 our experiences with the first man or absent of the first man in our lives can influence us! I was talking with a friend and I said the comment, “It sounds like when you are in discord with your dad your relationship with your significant other suffers.”
Where do we learn how to become a wife?
Where do we learn how to treat our husband?
As daughters of human fathers is that what we base our future relationships on (either wanting the same as our dad or opposite?)
I have to say I had a very good relationship with my father. Yes, we have had bumps and bruises along the way but I am SUPER thankful for the relationship we have. So for myself as I ponder this topic I am reflecting on it in regards to the task at hand in raising our family as well as an overall evaluation of role I play in my marriage.
I also believe even if you have had a wonderful daughter-dad experience or one that was damaging there is always something to be learned about how love and respect look to our husbands AND how we view ourselves based on our experiences.
I read an article that was about a pediatrician sharing about father/daughter relationships. The pediatrician said that a girl’s experience of parental love with her dad pretty much serves as the model to what male love is all about. And if it is a positive experience, she will do better later in life, and that his love can helpmate or break her self-esteem. In fact, if you google search dad and daughter relationships there is TONS of articles written about the influence of that special relationship (either with positive outcomes or negative).
I truly believe in a redeeming FATHER God, who as we develop our relationship with Him that he can heal our hurts, and show us our true identity, self-worth and what unconditional love looks like. In that process of discovering FATHER God I believe we also discover our need for him through painful experiences and joyful ones as well. As we deal with our father/daughter relationships we can see the character of God through the good of our human fathers and at the same time we can see our FATHER GOD as the true example of what a Father looks like.
This process of sanctification can be painful but so refreshing as we learn more about ourselves and FATHER GOD. So here are some questions to consider and think about as we are learning to grow more into in our relationships.
- What memories do I have that bring me joy when it comes to my human father and why?
- Is there a connection between the way I view my father and the way I respond to my significant other?
- Am I dealing with hurts that are internal, based on my father and I’s relationship that is causing myself to view myself as less than?
- What similarities are their between the way I treat my significant other and way I treat my human father?
- What feelings of security and love does my FATHER GOD’s relationship bring into my life?
- Do I have any questioning or unsure feelings in regard to my FATHER GOD that I am casting on him, due to my past father/daughter relationship?
- Is the way I am treating my significant other how I want my daughter to treat him?
- Are there areas of unforgiveness with my human Father?
These are questions to begin the thinking process. I don’t have answers, I myself just have a lot of thoughts. I am truly blessed by my human father and my relationship. He is a wonderful man who instilled a lot of great fruits into me. But as I mentioned above there is always time for improvement, encouragement to others and reflections as a now parent of a daughter. I know as I continue on this journey of discovery I can start to find answer in HIS written word:
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! –1 John 3:1
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. — Romans 8:15-16
“No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. — John 16:27
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.” –John 14:1-2
“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom”. –Luke 12:32
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. –Luke 6:35-36
There is hope, new-life, and a relationship to be had with our HEAVENLY FATHER GOD! The last question I would ask myself is, “what is holding me back from this pure, true, loyal, grace-filled, patient, kind, and loving relationship with FATHER GOD?”
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